I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
