Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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