It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
