i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
