I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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