How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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