Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
