The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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