I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
