Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
