yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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