lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
