Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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