your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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