Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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