he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
