Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
