Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize