Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
