he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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