thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
