My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you didnt know i had herpes?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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