I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
