the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
