i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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