so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
