counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
