we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
