My nipple is on Facebook.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
