If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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