I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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