i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
