some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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