Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
