On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
