I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
