I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
