He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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