He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
OPIZZABONMYDICK
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
