Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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