I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
