i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
