just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
