hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
