is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
