Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
