LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
