We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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