GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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