It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
