She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
